this week has been an emotional and mental roller coaster. there have been a good bit of ups and a good bit of downs, and that's why i couldn't decide if this post would be a check-up or a check-in. i'm officially two weeks out from taking the MCAT and I have mixed feelings. some days i dont feel confident at all, and other days i feel like i really can do this. keeping myself encouraged is a constant effort and sometimes i just find myself getting tired. it is so much easier for me to encourage other people than it is for me to encourage myself. it doesn't make sense to me. i've almost been at the point of tears a few times this week. i still feel extremely overwhelmed. my summer classes are finally over, so i can really throw myself into studying , which i am EXTREMELY grateful for.
since my last post, i've taken two more section tests and my score went up in one and down in the other. word of advice: do NOT take a section test if you're in a bad head space. if you're anything like me, it'll show in your results. the day i took that first section test, i was not in a good place with how i felt about myself. i hit a real low. and because i was in such a bad place, i had negative thoughts while i was actually taking the test. if you don't believe in yourself, it will manifest itself in your performance. i'm telling y'all this, but i know i need to do it too. speak positively. think positively. encourage yourself. you have to be your loudest cheerleader because at the end of the day, you're the only one that is taking the test.
in times where you feel really down on yourself, don't forget about your support system. they may not fully understand what you're going through, but they still matter. knowing other people believe in me on the days i don't believe in myself REALLY helps me to keep going. people reaching out to me to encourage me and say nice things and talking to some of my close friends have been what's gotten me through this week.
i also wanted to drop the link to one of my favorite videos from The Chocolate Docs where they just have a talk and encourage themselves and their subscribers. if you have a chance, you should check it out. their page is big on mental health, self-care, and self-love and watching them reminds me that i need to be taking better care of myself. i can't take care of anybody else or change lives if i'm not taking care of my own.
i think i'm gonna wrap it up here because i have to pack some stuff and get back to studying so i can slay this test in the next two weeks. see y'all later.
brena b, md.