check-in | july 15

original post date - july 15, 2019

hello good people! i missed y'all!

i took the MCAT Saturday. yes, you read that correctly. i finally took the MCAT. i don't really know how my performance was, but i know one thing. I AM RELIEVED. that's about it. i decided i'm not gonna worry about what happens next until my scores come back. if I have to take it again, i will. if i don't, i'm just gonna keep it rolling. i don't really want to take my confidence level as an indicator of how i did because i've had some good feelings about practice tests i took and then got my scores back and i wasn't pleased at all. so like i said, i'm just glad it's over. like i don't wanna be rude when people ask me about it, but right now, i don't wanna talk about anything related to that test.

saturday was a really long day for me, so i haven't really had much time to process my feelings. i know i do wanna say this: when things don't go as planned or as you would hope, remember that you got this and God's got you. leading up to saturday, my week was very eventful and not in a good way. i started not feeling well (probably because of my stress), had an anxiety attack and a half, and i had multiple instances where my car just didn't wanna do right. it was feeling like little things i tried to make myself feel better, like getting my nails done, turned into bigger ordeals that set me all the way off and caused me to have to rework things. i am so so so thankful for my support system because without them, i would've been even more of a trainwreck than i already was.

the primary thing i had to remember this week was to breathe. it shouldn't be that hard, but it was. i realized i had been so stressed about my future and about this test, that i wasn't giving myself what i needed. i let my cup get empty, and now i'm paying for it. just remember to do what you need to do. this week, i decided i'm doing what i want to do. i'm letting myself get the rest i need and deserve, and taking some time to get back to me.

the future is important, but don't forget to take care of yourself in the present. having big dreams is good, but you have to take care of yourself if you're ever going to see them come to pass. that being said, i'm gonna give myself some much needed self-care. see y'all soon.