check-in | october 13

original post date - october 13, 2019

long time, no see. it's literally been about 3 months since I've posted on this section of the website, and I'll be transparent about why. I didn't feel like I was in the place to offer anyone any kind of advice about this medical school application process. that's the God honest truth. this has been a lot more of a rollercoaster than I expected, but it's been more low than high. i'll give y'all a quick rundown on what's been happening with my med school journey over the last couple of months.

the last time I checked in was a few days after I took the MCAT. well, I got my scores back and they weren't exactly where I wanted them, so I took it again in September. I'll be getting those scores back soon, and I hope they're better, but something is telling me they aren't. In the weeks before I retook the MCAT, life hit hard. like HARD. hockey puck hard. I wasn't in a good head space, and I felt like I got thrown in the deep end as soon as school started. anyway, when I get those scores back I'll just deal with whatever happens, but honestly, it's in God's hands. I honestly can't do anything else at this point but submit my application and trust that Big G's got me.

Yup, I also haven't submitted my application. My initial plan was to submit after I got my first MCAT scores, but things kept happening and here we are. I recently realized part of the reason I haven't submitted yet is FEAR. This whole process is a scary one, and not knowing what is going to happen scares the crap out of me. I've been doubting myself a lot over the last few months and I put myself and my confidence in a bad place. Part of me feels like when I submit, the no's get closer and become more real. Of course I'm praying, hoping, and working for the best, but there is part of me that feels like I'm going to end up disappointing myself. I'm going to work on affirming myself more and believing that I can actually do this. I know I believe it to a degree, or else I would've given up by now. I just gotta find that belief, tap into it, and keep my head up.

I'm doing my best to have a positive attitude and speak good things into the atmosphere, and I haven't given up. Hopefully it won't take another 3 months to give y'all an update. See y'all soon.

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