original post date - july 28, 2018
#BlackBrotha - Diary of a ___________ Black Woman
You wanna know what I love? Black men. In this post, I talk about some of my feelings about Black men. They aren't all bad, but they aren't all good either.
When it comes to how I feel about Black men, I feel like my good sis Angie Stone articulated it quite well,
Black brotha, I love ya
And I'll never try to hurt ya
I want you to know that
I'm here for you, forever true…
Now, I love that song and I find it accurate to part of how I feel about Black men, but not all of my feelings are talked about in the song. Let me make a disclaimer before I get into the good stuff. I love Black men. I support Black men. I want to marry a Black man. I'm thankful for Black men. Black men are special, beautiful, and they are important.
Okay so, as much as I love them, I still have mixed feelings about Black men. That's why I couldn't think of an adjective to fill in the blank that's in title. I don’t really know where to start with this post, so I think I'm just gonna jump in. Just remember these are a few of my thoughts and I'm not trying to speak for anyone other than myself.
A few weeks ago when the question sticker thing came out on Instagram, somebody asked me what my thoughts on the Black man were and that’s part of . My response was mainly about how I don't feel that support is mutual. I just don't feel Black men support Black women as much as Black women support Black men. Whether it's on a personal scale or a public scale, I feel like Black women are a constant beam of support, no matter the issue. It doesn't make a man any less of a man to support the rights and desires of people who aren't men. When something happens to a Black man in this backwards country, it's not just Black men supporting the cause. There are all kinds of people fighting for y'all, so it's only right that y'all do the same for other people. This country is backwards enough as is, so in my opinion, anybody who isn't a straight white man needs to support the rights of others. You don't necessarily have to agree or personally want the same things for yourself, but you should at least understand that everyone has the right to feel just as free, safe, and valued in this country as a mediocre, cisgender white man.
Then there's the whole dating thing. Personally, I don't care if you don't date Black women. You can be rooting for everybody Black and still love who you wanna love. You have a right to be happy with whoever. Life is too short to not be. Have your preferences, but don’t bash Black women in the process. There is a way to say you're primarily attracted to a certain type of person without insulting Black women and being disrespectful. For example, there are Black men who would insult Serena all the time about her figure and say she was manly or just straight up say she was a man, but those same people had problems when she fell for a white man. They ignored how this man treated her (great from what I could see on social media) and just talked crap because he was white. That being said, I do wonder why some of our Black men all of a sudden make it big and feel the need to start dating white women or why some Black men just don’t date Black women period, but at the end of the day it’s not my business.
I'm not trying to take a shot at anyone, but some of y'all have some fragile masculinity and love taking shots at other people's to cover up where you lack. Just because a man doesn't respond to a situation the way you claim you would, doesn't make him any less of a man. For example, when Terry Crews spoke up about his sexual assault to the Senate, I saw several tweets and comments from men saying what they would do and bashing him and all kind of stuff and it was disgusting. Even other Black men were giving him crap for speaking up about something that is a problem lots of people have to face. The very reasons people were attacking him were the reasons he spoke up in the first place. Another thing I don't understand is the need some people have to preface things with "no homo". You can just say what you need to say without people questioning your sexuality. YOU CAN STILL EAT BANANAS WIZ! WE KNOW IT'S JUST FOOD AND NOBODY IS JUDGING YOU. You can support members of the LGBTQIA+ community without being afraid that people are going to question you. And that’s all I'm gonna say about that. Another thing I don’t understand why some of y'all feel the need to insult women after they reject you or ignore your catcalls and weak pickup lines. Like I wasn't ugly or a bitch 32 seconds ago when you were trying to get at me, so why am I one now? In my opinion, no man that is secure enough in himself is going to get that butthurt at a respectful rejection. Just take your L and keep it movin' boo. Happens to the best of us.
I know a lot of the way we think and issues we face as Black people have been passed down since we were brought here by the whites, but there comes a point where we all need to address it and work to heal. Life happens to everybody. Some people have mental health issues. Some people lose loved ones. Some people are just struggling in general. Allowing yourself to feel and express positive or negative emotions doesn’t make you any less of a man. It makes you healthy. Asking for help when you need it, whether that means professionally, financially, or emotionally is okay. It's honorable, and honestly it takes a strong person to recognize and admit that they need help. Being a man doesn't mean you have to be strong all the time. Just be human and be the best version of yourself. Black men, you are strong, but you don't have to be strong all the time and you don’t have to be strong alone.
I love Black men, but there are a few things I need from you.
1) Support. Understand that just as much as you feel the need to be on your grind and in your bag, I do too. Don't be one of those men that are intimated by a strong woman and cover it up by belittling her, being disrespectful, or guilting her for working to get herself where she wants to be. Respect, encourage, and support me just as I do for you.
2) Stop calling women crazy for being rightfully upset about something. Just because you she doesn't like something you did or said and she calls you on it, doesn’t mean she's crazy.
3) Stop saying women are being bitchy or assuming they're on their period just because they're upset about something. The fact that this still happens to me and I'm in college says a lot about the people I go to school with.
4) Continue to be the powerful force that you were put here to be. You are special and you have a role that no one else can fulfill. You are important. Even though mainstream society does not always recognize you for the greatness you are, there are still those of us who do and will continue to fight for you. Remember to uplift and support each other instead of tearing one another down trying to get to the top. Not all heroes wear capes and not all kings wear crowns. You are a King, so carry yourself as such.
Live life. Be great. Flourish.